A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
