dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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