there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
