Sponge bath it is.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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