I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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