I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize