I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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