Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize