You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
