Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
