sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
