Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
