I feel like abortions should bother me more
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
