I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Randomize
