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Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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