I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
