Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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