We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
