I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
