Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
