note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize