What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
