weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
