dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
