if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
