Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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