he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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