I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
