I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i came on her dog
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
