You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
