We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i believe in u and ur pee
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize