Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
