have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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