taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
