Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
