I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
