boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
