Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
