Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
