Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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