When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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