Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
