what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
