she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
