Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
