He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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