FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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