I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
