You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
