i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My dick has a subreddit
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
