After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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