If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
