Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
