have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
