So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize