this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
