I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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