so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
