If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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