I feel great
I just peed on a car
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
nutella sex= disaster
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
