but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
