Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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