I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
that's an acceptable place to lick
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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