I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
love makes seman taste better
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
