just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
