I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
