mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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