I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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