Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
