3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
