Your face is a jimmy john
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
