Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
